Calgon, stomp that bitch for her sweater.

So I caved and went to the Barney's Warehouse Sale. I knew I was going to regret not bringing a camera to take a picture for you guys. I went with full intention of turning right around if there were any lines of any sort. Last night was WAY too cold to wait in line to shop.
In my life in nyc, I've been to this sale only once before. I was really young and my mother and sister toted me along on their venture - not realizing the trauma I would incur, forever scarred and unable to shop at sample sales. But with much training and practice with crowds, last night I felt brave enought to shop my little heart out.

It was reserved pandemonium. There were designer dresses on the floor, shoes stuck under benches, cashmere tossed about like rags! But there was no fighting, no pushing, no scratching, stealing, biting, flame throwers, shanks or hairpulling. It was a tight crowd of excuse me's and so sorry!'s. And unlike that first time I attended, hardly a naked boob or granny panty in sight (for those of you who don't know, there are no dressing rooms at these things).

Ok to what you guys really want to hear about, the goods. There were about 4 library stacks full of shoes - from size 6-11. There were a lot of good shoes. But they were all about 50% off. Now if you are familiar with the shoe fare at Barney's, this still leaves you with $350 boots and $200 pumps. But no matter, as I closed my eyes and quickly made my way to my real reason for going, a winter coat. I passed racks of Marc by marc, theory, DVF, barney's label, trovata, and various other italians i've never had the pleasure of meeting. While I hesitate to discourage you I must be honest - hearing those labels might excite you but the items those labels were showing were either the season's rejects or really just not cheap enough. I can't be sure as I was lifted by the force of the crowd and wound up in the coat dept, but I think there were racks of beautiful black stiff silk skirts, YSL? de la Renta? hm. all I can say is that I caught the price tag of $1400 - sale price.
In the coat dept, I tried on a few sad tweed numbers, for some reason there were PLENTY of these coats to go around. They came in green, brown, and an odd magenta color that was flattering no one. I sighed and decided to see if I could find myself a consolation prize in the jean section. There were some sevens and levis and blah blah blah - i'm so over digging for jeans. (sidebar - why does it feel like every woman i know, including myself, are consistently looking for a 'better' pair of jeans?) I moved on wondering if there were some baby clothes I could get for my soon-to-be-a-mommy sister, there was nuthin. Unless you REALLY wanted that random half-ugly $80 t-shirt for your infant and are so excited that it was on sale - which really, i wasn't that person.

Ok, so right. At this point I'm like, 1. Why are there SO many korean women here?? 2. I need to get the fuck out of here. I ended up walking through the racks one last time, "maybe i missed something. I didn't deal with those people to walk out of here with nothing!!" This thought is why these things are dangerous - half the people are like "i can't deal, leave now." and the other half are like, "well wtf. i came here, i'm leaving here with some discount designer somethin!" I can be either, depending... Well it turns out, I did miss something - a black camel hair winter coat original price $850, then 80% off. (do the math, i'm not divulging that easily.) It was labeled as 50% off and I was about to drop it back to the masses, when I decided to become my mother for a moment and ask for a price check. Well I'm glad I did, bc not only did I get a compliment from the woman who helped me on my selection but she told me it was more than half off of the written sale price. Slash slash slash!! If you know me, it's very "me" as some would say. Belted, dramatic collar, buttons etc. but a soft silhouette and comfy.

All in all, my advice is, if you want to go to this sale drop what you're doing and go NOW. Because none of those women I saw last night were going to let any gem pass them by.